12/25/24
Hello friends, and welcome to episode 175 – Unexpected and Most Unwanted. If this episode had a subtitle it would read “but as it was supposed to be.”
There have been many unexpected things come up in my life, as I’m sure they have in your life. You could probably name a hand full without much thought. Last week, I was getting ready to record the weekly episode. I use my laptop to record and edit and had it on my lap at the same time I was holding my newborn granddaughter. The computer slipped off my lap, fell to the ground, and the screen immediately went black. Except for the lightning bolt streak across it. I had cracked the screen. I quickly took it to the Apple store to get fixed, but they said it would take about four days to get it back to me. That was unexpected. And most unwanted, because now I have no laptop to record the episode. Now, I could have really freaked out about missing a week of the podcast. That is if I had still thought my worth and value was in my ability to do things flawlessly; to not miss; to be perfect. That’s an old idea wrapped up in an old thought from an old childhood experience. And I don’t believe that anymore. So, this was a great time to exercise what I now believe: That the world is not going to end if I miss a week of podcasting; that it doesn’t mean anything about me, about my professionalism or intelligence, or anything about who I am at all.
I wonder, when things don’t go as expected, what if there’s a really good reason for it? What if, instead of getting upset, or frustrated, or freaking out, we start looking a little deeper? What if we started looking for how this unexpected thing could be for our good?
My daughter and her husband had to figure this out recently. They purchased a cute house in a new community and were planning to be moved in before my daughter gave birth to their first child in late November. However, something unexpected happened. The construction of the house got delayed for various reasons. Seriously delayed. Not just the normal, “I expect that from a construction company” kind of delay. They had been living in Austin and their lease was up, so they had to move in with me until the house is ready. That meant they were not going to be able to bring their first child home to their new house, and to her own nursery. I knew that as happy as that made me to have my new granddaughter in my home, it was a disappointment for them. I get it. It’s not what they ideally wanted. But God had a reason. It was as it was supposed to be. My daughter ended up needing a c-section, and I was there to help. And there were other things they experienced that continued to prove God had them in my home for a reason. This was His provision for them.
Then there was one occasion when the baby was unconsolable. She had been up all night and now was screaming non-stop. And because she was breastfeeding, we had determined it was probably a response to something my daughter had eaten. My granddaughter’s tears brought my daughter to tears. Her husband took the baby in his arms to rock and comfort her. And when I told my daughter that everything was okay and that nothing was going wrong, she quickly questioned my sanity. Like, “Mom, can’t you see how horrible this is? How everything is going wrong?” But I said, “Look deeper. What do you see? Your husband is creating a bonding experience with his daughter. When newborns cry, their little brains are creating neural associations already. When they cry and you come to comfort them, they learn that you are safe, and they can trust you.” I told her this is a very important moment in both her daughter’s and her husband’s life. And it came by way of something very much unexpected, and most unwanted.
What do we do, though, when the unexpected is a loved one’s death? That’s most unwanted, right? It’s probably difficult to see any good from that. When a loved one dies, it is very common to work through a hundred different scenarios in our head as we try to figure out what we could have done differently to change the outcome. This is such a normal human response. It speaks to our desire to be able to control our world so that we feel safe. Because, after all, not being in control leaves us feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable. And we’ll do just about anything to not feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.
In my book, Another Beautiful Life (same title as this podcast), I talked about all the ways I tried to change the outcome of Brian’s suicide, as if I were in control.
But Ecclesiastes 6:10 says, “Whatever has come to be has already been named, and it is known what man is, and that he is not able to dispute with One stronger than he.” The Bible Commentary says that to “name” something is to exercise authority over it. The author of Ecclesiastes confesses that God rules over all things, and he points out that it would be foolish for mankind to dispute God's sovereign ordering of the world.
Here's what I wrote in the book: “From the very first day I saw Brian in my dorm at college, to our first date, and then marriage, God knew that in this place in time I would lose my husband to suicide. In fact, this was my path. This is what was supposed to happen. Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow, especially because my heart is shattered, and it hurts so much. It just doesn’t seem right. Or make sense. It may have been a shock to my whole being, but God already knew it was coming. He knew it back when I said, “I do.” It’s crazy and mind blowing to think on this truth. But because it is true, because He is in total control of everything, I must have all that I need to handle it now. Everything that I need I find in Him.”
It may not make sense to my human brain, but in Isaiah 55, verse 8, the Lord declares, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways.” But this is what was already named by God. By allowing it, He was exercising authority over it. Though it was unexpected by me, it was not unexpected by a sovereign God. He knew this was my path. And He has made great provisions for me in it. He has changed my heart and my mind and brought me closer to Him in a way that I’ve never known before.
So, when the unexpected comes, how to you respond? Are you angry? Frustrated? Do you judge yourself, or others? Or do you look for what God may be creating in you, or what He’s trying to teach you, or provide for you? What if what was unexpected was exactly what was supposed to happen…for a good reason?
I want to tell you about one more thing that was unexpected, and what God meant by it. Today at the airing of this podcast, is Christmas. The day of celebrating Jesus’ birth. Everything surrounding Jesus’ birth, who He was born to, how He was born, was all unexpected. Many people believed that the Messiah would arrive with great power and grandeur. He was to be their king, after all. They expected Him to be born in a palace, surrounded by wealth. Instead, he was born in a humble, lowly way. He was born in a barn, and His bed was an animal trough. Born to a poor family in Bethlehem; to a teenage virgin, for heaven’s sake. The son of a carpenter, a simple tradesman. All so unexpected. Yet, God had something better than what they had planned or expected. And He had good reasons for every detail. He was trying to teach the people something. Jesus coming in such an unassuming way showcased God's love for all people, not just the wealthy or powerful. It also refuted the notion that this King would set up kingly rule on earth to overthrow Roman rule. Every detail of Jesus’ unexpected birth reveals that God knew what the people desperately needed.
Friend, what are you experiencing right now that is totally unexpected…and most unwanted? God knows what you so desperately need right now. And He leads us in unexpected things all the time. Unexpected for us, but not unexpected for Him; to teach us, provide for us, bring us closer; to meet us in that place where we desperately need Him. Even if you’re not there right now experiencing something unexpected, when it comes, if you will make it your practice to look a little deeper you will surely find that it was as it was supposed to be. Because He has something for you, something good, something you desperately need. And you may just find it in the unexpected.
If you’re experiencing something unexpected and know you need a perspective shift on it, but you’re having a difficult time doing that for yourself, Life Coaching might be what you need. Let’s have a brief chat so you can find out more about it and to see if we’re a good fit. You can book a free call on my calendar. The link is in the show notes.
Also, I’ve put a link in the show notes for this week’s Listener’s Guide that has a few prompt questions to help you work through this topic on your own. Be sure to grab that.
And also, don’t forget my book, Another Beautiful Life, is now available on Amazon. I’ll put the direct link to that in the show notes.
Merry Christmas, my friends. See you next Wednesday, God willing, for the next episode of Another Beautiful Life.
SHOW NOTES:
What is your first reaction when things that happen are unexpected…and most unwanted? Do you get angry? Frustrated? Does it leave you feeling despondent? God has a reason for all things. When things are unexpected, we can be sure that in it He’s trying to teach us, create something in us, or provide for us. This is the time to look deeper into the situation; to look beyond what the natural eyes can see; to find Him giving you what you desperately need.
Are you wondering how Life Coaching works? Would you like a free, 30-minute session? Click this link to set up a Consult Call: https://calendly.com/triciazodylifecoach/30min
Get the free, printable Listener’s Guide here: https://www.triciazody.com/guide
Buy Another Beautiful Life: A Christian's Journey to Finding Peace and Hope in Brokenness on Amazon here: https://a.co/d/hoPKsBO
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