This podcast has been a long time coming. The Lord had put the idea in my heart a long time ago, but fear has kept me from doing it – that’s the enemy’s tactics, of course, used to make me believe my story wasn’t worth listening to. After all, my story is riddled with pain, sorrow, and complicated grief over the suicide of my husband. I’ve never really publicly talked about how Brian died, but it can’t be ignored. It is a part of my story, and it will be unraveled here on this podcast.
But my story is also one of victory over insane obstacles. It’s riddled with evidence of God’s activity in my life – moving people and orchestrating things for my benefit and my good. Now, the interesting thing is, this is not the first time in my relationship with the Lord that I know He has intervened to make something happen. I’ve been walking with Him, growing in my relationship with Him, for a very long time, and I’ve seen it over and over again. I know this is what He does. But this time it was different. His intervention and provision in my life was a matter of life or death, literally. Not just a happy coincidence or a fortunate blessing. Everything I faced, and everything I needed required a supernatural occurrence. That just means that there was no way it could be accomplished by human standards or effort. Only by a supernatural, divine intervention was it going to happen. And it did. Boy, I’ve got story after story that will blow your mind that I’m going to share. Better than that, though, I pray it gives you hope to trust Him with your circumstances. Maybe even just one more time, to be vulnerable enough to let it all go in order to trust Him. I promise, you will be amazed at what you find when you do. This is my hope for you.
So, something has happened recently that has propelled me into action in getting this Podcast out. Just recently, I sold the house my husband and I lived in and moved to a smaller, more manageable house. And I had the sole pleasure of packing up my life. Yep, that’s sarcasm right there. I packed up everything that screamed, ”There are 5 people living in this family with hopes, dreams, and desires for today and for a beautiful future.” And that took way more boxes than I anticipated.
Now, you must know that everything was a treasure hunt with Brian as we desired to fill our home with unique items no one else had - The dining table we had built, painted, and found miss-matched antique chairs for over the years, the Egyptian gates we modified for our king-sized bed headboard. I packed up everything that we created together in that house. Then, I packed up his very special collection of antique cameras, fossils and shark teeth, funky art, and one-of-a-kind ceramic art from his office shelves. I packed up his glass fusion artistry and his recent found hobby of ceramics. I packed up photo albums of our babies, precious toddlers, and elementary aged kids. I packed up hundreds of framed family photos, some professional, some taken on the beach in Galveston. I packed up the special pieces of jewelry he carefully selected for me, along with his remaining t-shirts that he dearly loved and wore to holes. I packed up a life lived with a man for almost 30 years, and three lively children - our greatest accomplishment together. I packed everything in boxes…and moved to a new house I would occupy alone.
The thing about packing is that at some point you have to unpack. And so I did. And as I pulled out one photo album after another, I couldn’t help but flip through each and every page. I was struck by the sheer joy that was in each photo, no matter what we were doing. If we were doing it as a family, we were just so happy. So much life on those pages. So much adventure. Page after page. What a beautiful life we lived…I lived. As I sat there, it really felt like I was looking at someone else’s life. It was a life-time ago. And there was evidence all around me of a beautiful life lived.
I cried… a lot…as I unpacked boxes. And mind you, it took me a long time to unpack all those boxes and find a spot for everything. So, yes, I cried a lot…for many days. I felt such a loss. There was so much grief – even in looking at photos of the past – because I knew there was no more future for us. As I cried, I told God how sad I was…and how unfair life felt sometimes. And then I cried some more. But then I felt an overwhelming sense that God was trying to tell me something. There was a real sense of clarity and peace - like time stood still for a moment as He whispered, “Tricia, you can have another beautiful life.”
There it was. Truth. I had heard those words before. Right after Brian died, I was paralyzed with grief over the loss of all the dreams we had together, the things we wanted to do, the adventures with our children and future grandchildren, the home on the edge of the hill country we were designing, the fun of enjoying the empty-nester phase of life with plenty of time to discover one another all over again. It was all lost in an instant. I kept saying, “My life is over.” I couldn’t see any scenario where I was “living” again. I might as well have died there right beside him. And maybe I did. But then those words, came: “Tricia, you can have another beautiful life. It may not look like the life you lived for the past 30 years or the life you dreamed for your future, but it can be good and beautiful.”
Now When God speaks truth into your life, there’s no disputing it. No arguing about it. But there is one thing you can do – and that’s either receive the truth into your life or reject it. And in that moment, it was stated with such profound simplicity, that I knew it was true, and I knew I truly could live and experience another beautiful life. No, it won’t look like the one that I lived those past 30 years – but there certainly is joy, happiness even, adventure, and so much life still to be lived.
So, I’m finding out what that looks like as I’m on this journey to healing. Which, by the way, I feel like is a journey I’ll be walking my entire life. And, so I’d like for you to join me. My story might be completely different than what you have experienced or are now experiencing. In fact, you may not be experiencing any pain or sorrow in your life right now. Maybe you’re like that young, fit girl I saw as I flipped through my photo albums, always with a big, cheesy, super happy smile on her face while holding – at many times – two of her three toddlers on her hips. If that’s you, I’m cheering you on. It’s fun! Enjoy your time! Because sadly, this world reminds us that trouble of some kind and capacity is just around the corner. So maybe this will help you be ready. Or at least have some arsenal in your pocket you’re ready to use.
I want to be sure to say that I don’t feel like my story is over, sufficiently tied up into a pretty bow. No, in fact, it’s just beginning…Another beautiful life is just beginning. So there will be lots to explore, and many things I’ll share surrounding my husband’s death that I’ve never talked about before…all for the purpose of bringing healing and hope to myself and to others. But be sure, I may start the podcast with a problem, concern, conflict, or even complaint, but it’ll always end with God’s truth and His Word that is life-giving and sustaining as it pertains to the issue. I’ll look back at old journal entries, share very present situations, and dare to explain how I’m trying to keep my perspective on heavenly things…of future glory.
In it all, though, there is a common thread that runs through – and that is how our mind, our body, and our spirit are all connected. If one of these three are unhealthy or unattended, then there is an imbalance that will play out through one of the others. So, we will constantly be looking at the wholeness of our self in order that we may heal from our own brokenness. Yes, each of us has a different story, but we all have the same pathway back to wholeness – and that is attending to the health of our mind, body, and spirit.
God has promised me Another Beautiful Life. I believe He’s offering you the same. So, I’m inviting you on this intimate journey with me. What do you say? Are you ready?