I am more than encouraged by this verse in Hebrews! First, it says that what you experience trains you. Your training gives you the ability to understand the difference between what is truly excellent and what is evil and harmful. And not only that, you EMERGE with this wisdom. Emerge. What does it mean to emerge? I googled it. It's clear that the definition means to recover from a difficult situation; to move away, or out of something, and to appear in a new place. Hmm. Interesting. It clearly conveys that the place we move away from or out of is an undersireable place - a difficult situation; an unfortunate state; a sad condition. A wilderness. And Hebrews 5:14 says that in this wilderness we are trained. More definition: to arise, develop, grow. So we're in a really difficult and unfortunate state, but here we are developing, growing, so that we arise out of, move away from, the wilderness state and EMERGE into something new - to come forth as something new. And from all the hard things we've faced and experienced in this "unfortunate state," we can emerge stronger, more wise.
Now, let me be clear. The things that I've witnessed, the tragedy that I've faced head-on, the life-altering circumstances, the loss...so much loss, NONE of this will I ever truly be able to "move out of or away from." It has changed me. It is a part of me and my very existence, and always will be. At first, the part of the definition "to recover from a difficult situation" made me say, "nope," out loud. This is not something you "recover" from. Ever. Until I looked up the word recover: to return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength [sidenote: the "normal" part is subjective, for sure]. Synonyms here are: recuperate, get better, regain one's strength, get back on one's feet, improve, heal. Another definition of recover is to find or regain possession of (something stolen or lost). Synonyms here are: retrieve, reclaim, repossess, redeem, salvage, save, rescue. Now, while it's true I can never "regain possession" of my husband, our marriage, and our life together, I certainly can reclaim and repossess my faith! And I was surprised by these other synonyms because they are things that God does: redeem, salvage, save, rescue!
I find that even in the emergence, God is doing the work of redeeming and salvaging the "experience." He is growing and developing me into something new and beautiful so that I can live with wisdom and understanding. But He's also making sure the "experience" is "redeemed."
So, yes, this is a difficult and unfortunate situation I find myself in. A sad condition. But God is training me with understanding so that I emerge (and I WILL emerge!) stronger, healthier, more wise. And I will have a new understanding of what is truly excellent. My focus will shift more and more to heavenly matters. My desires will be spiritually shaped. My longings will be for things of the eternal. My heart will be undivided.
I will recover. I will emerge.